The Twelve Days of Christmas: Hunchback Style!
by Opaque Opal
Summary: Songfic oneshot. Title says it all. Basically its the classic song "Twelve Days of Christmas" having its lyrics altered to incorporate HoND elements. Blame the plot bunnies, boredom, and creativity bursts that attack me. Please R&R!


**A/N: Once again, plot bunnies have been attacking me at various points throughout my day. And especially with Christmas coming up, I've had even MORE ideas. And on top of that, my teachers didn't give us ANY homework! So that means more updates! YAY!!! **

* * *

_A 1970s auditorium is jam-packed with people, looking to be entertained. Suddenly, a teenage blonde girl by the name of Opal walks onto the stage. After welcoming everyone, she prepares to sing by going through the Do-Re-Mi scale. Whether Opal sounds like an angel descending from heaven or the people who can't sing yet try out for American Idol anyways to have 5 seconds of fame, thats for you to decide. Rest assured, she isn't entirely tone deaf in real life and is a soprano. And now, on with the show!_

**On the first day of Christmas** my true love gave to me... _(flourishes to the wings and Quasimodo relunctantly walks out)_ A deformed bell ringer!

**On the second day of Christmas**, my true love gave to me... _(birds fly over the crowd, pooping on several of the audience members)_ Two pigeons and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the third day of Christmas**, my true love gave to me... _(Victor, Hugo and Laverne hop on stage)_ Three gargoyles, two pigeons and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the fourth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(the Baker hands Opal some long loaves)_ Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the fifth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me..._ (Esmeralda brings out musical instruments)_ FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the sixth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(a caravan rolls in from Stage Right and puppets start acting out in front of backdrop)_ Six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the seventh day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(Quasimodo starts to ring bells that manage to hang from the lighting fixtures)_ Seven bells a'chiming, six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the eighth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(Phoebus walks on stage looking quite content)_ Eight Phoebus bashers (_eight crazy audience members storm the stage. They start beating Phoebus with clubs) s_even bells a'chiming, six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the ninth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(A bunch of Esmeralda clones start dancing her Festival of Fools dance. The very few males that managed to sneak into the auditorium start wolf-whistling) _Nine Gypsies dancing, eight Phoebus bashers, _s_even bells a'chiming, six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the tenth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(A bunch of Frollo clones come out, dancing in tutus and ringing a bell similar to those who collect change for the Salvation Army. Opal looks briefly scarred, but then continues singing), _Ten judges a'jumpin,nine Gypsies dancing, eight Phoebus bashers, _s_even bells a'chiming, six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the eleventh day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... _(A bunch of overly-gorgeous girls in various attire prance on stage, declaring their love for Clopin. Opal loses her composure "Alright, what kind of Christmas gift is THAT?!" Cringing slightly, she continues) _Eleven Mary-Sues, Ten judges a'jumpin,nine Gypsies dancing, eight Phoebus bashers, _s_even bells a'chiming, six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

**On the twelth day of Christmas **my true love gave to me... (_A dozen girls jump up on stage, squealing like piglets being butchered alive. They vary in both apperance and age. But it was unmistakable which Hunchback character they loved the most, for they had masks covering half their faces) _Twelve Clopin fangirls, eleven Mary-Sues, Ten judges a'jumpin,nine Gypsies dancing, eight Phoebus bashers, _s_even bells a'chiming, six puppet shows, FIVE TAMBOURINES!!! Four big baguettes, three gargoyles, two pigeons, and a deformed bell ringer!

* * *

**A/N: Alright, hopefully this sounds out a lot more funny than it looks. I didn't want it to make it too cluttered if I kept reincluding actions. But hopefully you guys understood it. Please R&R... and have a happy holiday!**


End file.
